Here’s a good one. A Cork radio station was running a competition for the best effort to find words that weren’t in the dictionary but that would make sense when used in a sentence. The prize was a trip to Alicante. A caller rang in. ‘Hi, what’s your name?’ said the DJ. Caller: ‘Hi, me name’s Denis.’ DJ: ‘OK Denis, what’s your word?’ 

Caller: ‘Goan … spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced “go-an”.’ DJ: ‘You’re quite correct Denis. Goan isn’t in the dictionary. Now for the trip to Alicante! How can you use that word so as to make a logical sentence?’ Caller: ‘Goan feck yourself!’

The DJ immediately hung up and took other calls, all unsuccessful, until: DJ: ‘Hi, what’s your name?’ Caller: ‘Hi, me name’s Brendan.’ DJ: ‘Well Brendan, what’s your word?’ Caller: ‘Smee…spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced “smee”.’

DJ: ‘You are correct, Brendan, “smee” is not in the dictionary. Now for the trip to Alicante! How can you use that word so as to make a logical sentence?’ Caller: ‘Smee again! Goan feck yourself!’

The Guardian – “Extra places at university for rich students”

An incredible scoop for The Guardian, who have found out the details of plans for students from the wealthiest backgrounds to pay the same fees as international students so as, according to the Govt, to improve social mobility. Under the plans these students will not be able to get loans from the state, inevitably leading to the accusation that rich but dumb kids will buy their way into the top courses. An incredible story and it appears to be confirmed by David Willetts lower down in the article.

The Telegraph – Cameron ‘has broken pledge to support family values’

Iain Duncan Smith’s think tank the Centre for Social Justice is having a go at Cameron tonight accusing him of failing to support marriage and of unfairly punishing middle-class families.

The Times: Judges humiliated by one little tweet

The Times leads with the fiasco regarding @injunctionsuper, the Twitter account that has leaked the names of the individuals allegedly taking out superinjunctions. The article comes dangerously close to confirming the allegations made on Twitter, with the word allegedly every other word to cover its back. Then it goes on to talk about the wider issue of superinjunctions in an internet age. I just wonder who is responsible for that Twitter account. It couldn’t be a media insider could it? Will be interesting to see.

The Independent – A legal crisis in 140 characters

The Independent also reports on superinjunctions, a day after other papers splashed with it.

Not any more. Today the President claimed personal credit for the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

In a speech delivered late on Sunday evening US time Obama claimed personal credit for the finding and killing of Osama Bin Laden.

I will quote just one section:

More later.

The Times – “Labour split as MPs rebel over voting reform”

The Times claims that over half of Labour MPs are now opposed to AV. I would be very suprised if this turns out to be the case on polling day. I think a majority of the Parliamentary Labour Party will vote against, if only to give Miliband a victory.

The Independent – “Privacy, law and the Andrew Marr show”

Andrew Marr was a former editor and political editor of The Independent so it must have been a tough decision to splash with it, particularly when they have done relatively little on injunctions before. In an interesting take they look at all the other figures who have current gagging orders out.

The Telegraph – “BBC: £400,000 jobs hard to fill”

BBC director general Mark Thompson has said that the organisation is unable to get the best staff as rivals can pay higher wages as they are in the private sector. It is not a clever thing to say in public in a time of austerity particularly when it is a slow news day.

The Guardian – “Call to close EU borders in wake of Arab spring”

Politicians in France and Italy are suggesting that the EU should close the borders from the Middle East in the wake of mass immigration because of the Arab Spring. Sarkozy and Berlusconi, never fans of immigration anyway, are also demanding deportation pacts with the countries of North Africa.

The Independent – Secret memos expose link between oil firms and invasion of Iraq.

A good piece of journalism from Paul Bignell who has noticed a document given for evidence during the Chilcott Inquiry that link senior oil executives with cabinet ministers before the Iraq War. Apparently they reveal that the oil companies were pushing to take control of the oil over a year before the war.

The Times – “Children in care face adoption apartheid”

The Times continues to focus on adoption, with the shocking statistic that white kids are three times more likely to be adopted than black kids.

The Telegraph – “New heart attack jab even better than statins”

The Telegraph reports on a new injection that can be injected hours after a heart attack to help ease the symptoms.

The Mail – “Gunned down in the ghetto”

The Mail reports on two middle-class British guys who were shot down in downtown Florida two days ago. Police claim they could have been lured into a trap.

The Guardian – “‘Yes’ camp reels as support for voting reform collapses”

A new Guardian poll gives the No to AV campaign a 16 point lead in the polls.

If you only read one: Independent has the best splash

The Guardian – “NHS cuts force ‘rationing’ of operations”

The Federation of Surgeon Speciality Association has warned that growing numbers of patients are being denied operations as the NHS seeks to scale back funding. This is hardly a huge given the scale of cut backs but it will still make difficult reading for a government which promised to protect the NHS.

The Independent – “‘This is a referendum on the voting system. Not on Nick Clegg’”

The Independent leads with a comment piece by Ed Miliband in which he urges people to vote yes in the referendum on the Alternative Vote. He admits that AV isn’t a panacea but argues that it will improve politics. Seems like a dull article but what is interesting is how far Labour will push for a Yes vote, fearful that it will split their own party. This article may suggest they will campaign harder than many expected.

The Daily Mail – The collapse of family life

New research by the right wing Centre for Social Justice shows that 46 per cent of children are now born to unmarried mothers, while births outside marriage are at their highest level in two centuries.

The Telegraph – “Secrets put on internet in Whitehall blunders”

The Telegraph claims that three govt departments have failed to properly redact classified information from the internet after it was accidentally put up in the first place. The story actually emerged in none other than the Sunday Star today, with The Telegraph taking it on a step. Maybe the Star is the last bastion of investigative reporting…

The Times – “Written off: the children lost in adoption shambles”

An interesting profile of the adoption system by Rosemary Bennett. The paper claims that thousands of children in care, some as young as five, are having their chances of being adopted abandoned because they are deemed ‘too old’.

The Times – “Britain in Kenya ‘If we are going to sin, then we must sin quietly’”

The Times has really led with this Mau Mau case in Kenya and they give it top billing again tonight. It is rather unusual for the Times to be focussing so strongly on Britain’s colonial history. Anyway the story is that the case investigating alleged systematic abuse by British forces has opened in the High Court.

The Telegraph – “Cameron rethinks defence cuts”

If these rumours turn out to be true this will be the biggest u-turn yet performed in a government characterised by them. James Kirkup claims that Cameron  is “actively engaged” in ways in which to soften the defence cuts in the wake of the UK’s involvement in Libya. The MoD has been given a reprieve on its defence budget and a ‘senior defence source’ said “the debate is live”.

The Independent – “Night falls on Abidjan”

Slight concern here that most people will never have heard of Abidjan, which is in Ivory Coast. But the piece by Daniel Howden seems strong.

The Guardian – “Osborne: euro crisis proves needs for cuts”

The Guardian leads with George Osborne’s response to the crisis in Portugal, with the Chancellor saying it vindicates the governments cuts program.

If you only read one: The Telegraph

Daily Mail - “Millions hit by email hackers”

The Guardian – “Britain urges Arab countries to train rebels”

The Times -”A seaside town’s dark secret: schoolgirls groomed for sex”

The Telegraph – “Sickest patients are being neglected”

The Independent - “Renowned children’s heart doctor suspended over abuse claims”

The Guardian - “First arrests for five years in phone-hacking scandal” Co-written by Nick Davies, the journalist who has almost single handedly forced the phone hacking story into the public, this is the authoritative account of the latest developments. The Guardian was the first paper to really focus on phone hacking, followed later by The Independent, but the silence in other papers remains deafening.

The Times – “Clegg falls into jobs trap”

Nick Clegg’s assault on unpaid internships is picked apart by The Times, which points out that he has used interns in his office. Similarly Clegg admits that his father pulled strings to get him work during his gap year. It was just such an easy one to foresee. Did nobody in Lib Dem HQ sit down and say ‘now before we launch this idea, Cleggy didn’t do any internships did he?’

The Telegraph – “Cameron: UK caused many of the world’s problems”

The idea that this is even moderately a story is based on the idea that to criticise the empire is inherently dangerous. To provide a bit of background Cameron has been criticised by the right for talking down Britain and her history on trips abroad, like his ‘junior partner in 1940′ point last July. So the idea that the conflict in Kashmir was partly caused by the British will be seen as further evidence that Cameron is talking us down.

The Independent – “Hacking: Senior News of the World pair arrested”

The Indy also reports on the NOTW phone hacking scandal.